


Weary of this Lie

by BadDragon



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Hand Jobs, M/M, Male Slash, One Shot, Spoilers, Star-crossed, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-11
Updated: 2010-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-10 23:43:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadDragon/pseuds/BadDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It'll be lonely won't it?" A few moments shared between them that only one shall remember…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weary of this Lie

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2010...  
> Part of the anime episode is used. Seen here:
> 
> "I'm distant in my relationships with everyone, I don't trust anyone either…"
> 
> "Since you were born, have you ever told the truth even once?"
> 
> "People can't be perfect, everyone lies. Even so, I won't tell lies that will hurt those I love…"
> 
> L and Light from Death Note Anime, Episode 25

I catch a brief reflection/ Of what you could and might have been…/

A Perfect Circle, Passive

Can we live a life of peace and happiness?/I don't think so…/

Breaking Benjamin, You Fight Me

**/**

" _ **I'm distant in my relationships with everyone, I don't trust anyone either…"**_

" _ **Since you were born, have you ever told the truth even once?"**_

" _ **People can't be perfect, everyone lies. Even so, I won't tell lies that will hurt those I love…"**_

L and Light from Death Note Anime, Episode 25

**/**

They came back inside from the rain, both drenched and dripping water onto the steps as they climbed them. Light sat down, stepping out of his squelching shoes, a white towel he snagged upon coming down off the roof warm and dry in his hands.

"What a terrible rainstorm." L said in a quiet voice as he walked over to where Light was seated, a towel hanging on his head, making him look very childish.

Light rubbed his hair dry, feeling… surprisingly carefree after being out in the rain, and despite knowing what was quickly coming up on him and the unsuspecting L. It was as if they had gotten a few things off their chests, things that had been burdening them (things he hadn't been aware were in fact _weighing on him_ as well).

"It was your fault, you were the one standing outside in the rain." Light said, voice muffled by the towel over his head.

"That's true. I'm sorry…" L said simply, watching the boy dry off his hair for a minute, not even taking an effort to start drying his own self off.

Then, without comment, he stepped down a step or two lower than Light, and kneeling, began to dry off Light's wet and cold feet, almost… reverently.

Shocked at the touch and movement to his lower half, and then the actions of the eccentric detective, Light froze.

"What are you doing, Ryuuzaki?" He said in a flustered tone.

Pausing in his efforts, L looked up at the boy, saying, "I thought I'd give you a hand. I'll help wipe you dry."

"No thanks." Light said, a little baffled. "You don't need to do that."

"I'm going to give you a massage too." L said passively, and then continuing to hold the boy's pale foot in hand, he persisted with, "It's the least I can do, and I'm also pretty good at it."

Light just stared at the detective for a moment, then closed his eyes while staying as still as possible.

"Do what you want…" Light said awkwardly. L proceeded to do just as he said, looking down at the foot in his hand, pale and delicate looking, as he attempted to dry and massage through the towel, putting a slight, but gentle, pressure on the arch of the boy's foot. Light made a slight _mph_ noise in his throat at the action.

"Oy." Light said, jolting a little at the pressure, staring down at the man.

"I'm almost done." L whispered softly. Light just stayed still at that, watching the man continue to dry and rub the foot he held gently in his hands. Slowly, his cold appendage began to warm up with the friction and heat, that the cold drop of water, dripping unknowingly onto his foot made Light jolt slightly out of the companionable silence they were having.

L was still soaking wet, having not even tried to dry his hair before bringing his odd attentions to Light. Reaching over to his discarded towel from earlier sitting next to him, he gently wiped at L's soaking black hair.

"You're still wet." Light said in a gently reprimanding voice.

"I'm sorry." L said forlornly, like it was something that truly was terrible that he could have helped. Lifting the other foot gently, he began the same task with the left foot that he had taken on the right.

Light watched, eyes almost fond, as L continued massaging and drying his lower half. This was a quiet moment between just the two of them… that neither had ever had before. Light felt more relaxed that he had ever felt while being in the same room as L. His heart almost _ached_ with the tenderness L was showing to him. A side he had never seen from the childish man.

Their conversation from the roof went through his mind as a second thought, the words coming in an out as he chose what to truly focus on…

" _I'm distant in my relationships with everyone, I don't trust anyone either…"_

" _Since you were born, have you ever told the truth even once?"_

" _People can't be perfect, everyone lies. Even so, I won't tell lies that will hurt those I love…"_

 _Those I love…_ His gaze briefly met L's as the man checked to see the effect his massage was taking on Light. _Yes. I can admit… that._

The detective broke the gaze first, so Light moved his eyes to the too big drenched shirt L was wearing, the wide neckline hanging to one side, showing Light the man's very pale clavicle. The skin, if he looked close enough, was raised with gooseflesh as the chilly air from the building hit it. His shoulders, Light noted, were on the thin side.

 _With shoulders so small, how has one man become my most worthy of opponents? How has he withstood the weight of a world so rift with terrible burdens of human depravity?_ Light wondered.

As a whole, L was dangerously on the thin side of the health scale. His hunched frame made him appear even smaller than he was. However, he was still taller than Light, even if Light had the slightly larger build, muscle-mass wise.

"Yagami-kun…"

Maybe he had relaxed too soon. Bracing himself for whatever the weird detective might throw at him via words, Light returned his gaze to the weird sight of the hunched figure not hardly a foot away from him.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki? What is it?" He asked pleasantly.

"It's just that I wanted to ask if you are intending to stay awake for much longer. It has been a long few days, with the discovery of the Shinigami and everything. I think I might approve of us all taking a break tonight before we continue with a more in depth interrogation of the Shinigami tomorrow." L finished, a thumb coming up from its rested position holding Light's ankle up (and lowering the attached foot carefully with the toweled hand) to rest on his bottom lip as he spoke.

 _Particularly as I want to figure out the confusing 13 day rule, as it seriously affects the proof of Light-kun and Misa-san being the first and second Kira's._ He thought silently. He also had plans to test the rule, plans that were well under way without Light's knowledge at this second.

He truly wanted to be wrong for the very first time in his life. He didn't want Light to be Kira.

The moment together slowly dissipating, Light lightly glared at him, keeping his tone mildly reproachful to keep up the "friend" façade, "I am just as capable as deciding when I need sleep as the next person, Ryuuzaki. But are you certain about the break? Are _you_ intending to go to bed? If not, then I can just as easily stay awake with you. My father and the others should be happy about heading home early, so perhaps that is a good idea if you truly want to do that."

"Yes." L said, for the first time in his life, thinking about what the others might want to do, as they had an actual solid lead as to who Kira truly was floating around the building in the form of a Shinigami. "I think I might agree to a break. I am not going to sleep anytime soon, though, Yagami-kun." L finished with a reproachful tone of his own, like suggesting sleep was a terrible thing to do.

Another drop of water fell onto Light's lower foot. L picked the limb up again, muttering _sorry_ under his breath as he continued drying/massaging the boy's foot for a few more moments.

Light began to relax again. L was going to wait… There was more time. Rem was in place, and there was no backing down. All the chips were in place, so there was nothing else to do but to enjoy his greatest opponent rubbing his feet, almost bowing down to the god of the new world.

 _You don't even realize your days are numbered, do you, L? You hear the bells tolling for you, but don't know why._ Light thought with a fleeting moment of cruelness.

The moment passed swiftly as L brought up the sole of his left foot closer to his mouth and quickly placed a quick peck to the arch of his foot before lowering the foot down, as if the kiss was nothing but normal. Light jolted out of the haze of relaxation.

"Oy, Ryuuzaki! What was that?" Light said in agitation, more from the shock of the gesture than from any offense. L just stared up at him with knowing dark-grey eyes.

"I'm sad." He said simply. Light just looked at him, seeing something… something he didn't know in that gaze… "You'll understand soon enough."

"Ah…" Light stared face blank at the words. What did he mean? What was he supposed to say…?

"It'll be lonely won't it? We'll be parting ways soon…" L said, voice soft, but full of understanding… of truth… of knowing… Light just stared frozenly at the man, not sure what to say. They watched each other, eyes not breaking away, speaking without words, before the moment was broken with the ringing of a cell phone.

L stood up, hunching slightly and pulling out and holding his cell phone in his odd way, barely holding it near his ear to listen.

"Hai." L answered the phone, listening to what the speaker on the other side said as Light gazed at the man's back, eyes hardening, wondering what the cryptic message L just gave him really meant.

 _Does he suspect? How? How could he? What does he mean we'll be 'parting ways' from each other? What was that kiss for?_ Thoughts raced through Light's mind, and he had no answers to quell them.

"I understand. I'll be there soon." L said, finishing the phone call and hanging up. He turned to face Light, who was starting to sit up. "Why don't we go, Light-kun? Thing's might turn out well after all." He didn't say for who they'd turn out well for, the uncertainty clear in his flippant tone.

Without watching to see if he was being followed, he continued walking away towards the main investigation room some floors down from their current position. His shoes, still soaked from the rain, made squeaking, squelching noises with every step.

Light stared at the retreating figure, now on complete guard. Quickly stepping into his wet shoes, Light hurried after the retreating detective, on full alert that maybe they weren't going to have a break after all.

He finally caught up to the detective as the man hit the button for the elevator. Knowing it would be a while, the man continue to mash the button in an impatiently immature manner, as if beckoning the elevator to speed up from that action alone.

"L. What did you mean back there…? Why did you…?" Light did not know what to ask first. He wasn't even sure he wanted an answer.

L turned away from the closed doors, the elevator wasn't even past the fifth floor yet, so it would be a long while before the metal doors would open for him, and faced Light.

The boy was still dressed in a wet, white button up shirt, the thing clinging to him like a second skin, and practically see-through. His brown khaki's were just as wet and clingy, not hiding his long legs. And his skin, cold from the air and rainwater, was smooth, L knew, as he had not five minutes ago been touching it. Not three minutes ago, he had brushed his lips against it…

_Would it not have been better to have not known the touch and feel? Would it have been better not to see the soft look? Would it have been better…? If… If…_

Suddenly, L grabbed both of those shoulders, spinning around to pushed the boy again the wall, next to the metal doors he was still waiting on to open. Light let out a grunt of air when his back hit the wall, his face shifting into the normal glare he used on L almost daily. L straightened a little from his hunched up position, to stand face to face with the boy, standing taller than Light, and barely giving him an inch of space to breath in.

"Ryuuzaki! What-" Light started to say, before L blocked any more words coming from that lying mouth with his own. He could not bear to hear anymore sweet words come off that silver tongue.

" _Mmph_!" Light uttered into the mouth suddenly on his. It was demanding, inexpertly wet, and suddenly exactly what the moment on the steps he had felt, but was unable to express.

"… _Those I love…"_

A leg pressing between his own two legs to brush against his cock, as a tongue tentatively peeked from soft, cold lips to brush against his open ones, made Light bring his useless hands to L's waist to grab at his hips to bring him closer.

Moving one of his hands from Light's shoulder to the nape of his neck, L suddenly deepened the kiss, brushing his tongue against the boy's as it rose to respond to L tipping his head back.

Light moved his hands, desperate to get his fingers on L's skin as they continued to kiss. He finally got his hands under the shirt and shivered at the cold skin underneath the wet piece of clothing as he raked his fingers up and over L's shoulder blades.

A slight burning sensation occurred across L's back as the boy raked nails over his cold skin, and he breathed out a moan. L dropped his other hand from the boys shoulder to start single-handedly unbuttoning the clingy shirt. When he got to the last button, he continued with the khaki button and its zipper, all the while brushing his tongue against all corners of the boys mouth.

Light did not let himself be the first completely undone. He dropped his nimble fingers from L's shoulders down and out of his shirt to the front of his baggy jeans. Working the button and zipper open was not a challenge. Dipping his fingers inside, he brushed against an underwear-clad cock, beginning to create a bulge as the heated organ filled with blood. He felt a hand sneaking inside his own boxers to his own cock, already fully filled and gripped in a firm, but gentle (and cold) hold.

A whining moan broke from him into L's waiting mouth as they continued to kiss, breaking apart enough to gasp in a gulp of air before coming together again to breath in each other's air.

Not to be outdone, Light quickly snuck his hand inside L's underwear to grip the cock, hot and heavy in his own cold grasp. Neither were completely familiar with another cock but their own, but neither could deny that they hadn't wondered about the other since their first meeting.

After all, both had been handcuffed together, and it wasn't possible to not have caught views other than when bathing and bodily functions came into play.

They began stroking the cock in their hand at almost the same time. Both were drinking in the taste of each other; the feel of another person's touch; a _connection_ they had been, until now, unable to make with the rest of the world.

It was sinful. It was new. It was hot and wonderful, and then Light did a twist with his wrist at the tip of his cock and L was falling, falling, and not two strokes after he repeated the motion, and Light was catching him and they were gasping into each other's mouths, barely able to stand…

They stared into each other's eyes… So much needed to be said. Light was debating with himself on whether or not he could actually continue down the road he had begun on.. Here, standing, holding him against the wall was a road he hadn't seen before. It was new, fresh, and better than what he had.

L was contemplating this new experience. He knew he considered Light a friend despite any wicked ways, but they both hadn't intended to ever go this far with each other. He was seeing a new way to fix this problem. Was it right? He didn't really care… He had done many things for his own brand of Justice, one new thing wouldn't hurt, could it?

Taking a moment to finally catch their breaths. They noticed that they were a mess, they were in the middle of a hallway, and the elevator doors had probably been open for a while, and only stayed that way because of the sensors and them being just next to the doors. Silently, but together, they made their way to a small bathroom. They cleaned themselves up, brushing fingers and paper towels against skin.

Light decided to go press the button for the elevator again since it had decided to close as they left it for the bathroom. L made a quick phone call to Watari, listening to the older gentleman try to not lecture him on suspects, age, and common sense as he gave quick directions. The caregiver, thankfully did not question him, probably deciding to wait until a later date.

It was time to go and see what the other investigators wanted. It was time to break apart from their new world for a little bit. L was sure they'd figure out the important stuff, this new _relationship_ , later on. The real world was calling, and they could not ignore it.

 _I know that when I bring up the plan to test the 13 day rule, and then go through with it that I will have my answer. I just hope that this time… for the first time, I am wrong, because if I am right, this will… be the death of me, I think._ L thought, desperate to feel something, anything but the close sense of dread that this boy was, in fact, Kira.

The two were separated and had a foot of space between each other as they stepped out of the elevator. Matsuda was facing the two as they walked towards the large center with several computer monitors lit up and holding important information pertaining to the Kira investigation.

"Ryuuzaki, don't you care what's happening?" The excitable man said loudly. "We're trying to get approval from the other countries for this plan."

L perched himself onto the computer chair, staring ahead towards the screen with the white background and black stylized 'w,' where Watari could see on his own computer screen a floor up, where he had his own computer console center as he watched security feeds from hundreds of cameras inside the Kira Investigation building itself.

The old man had certainly seen the two geniuses actions earlier, and was perhaps even now taking in the actions of his wayward charge and the phone call he had just minutes ago received from him.

"Watari, has it gone well?" He asked to the screen in front of him.

"No." The old man said simply in his gentle voice. L mentally sighed.

"As expected, but please get approval for the use of the notebook." He said clearly. He could feel Light shift at those last words.

"Understood." Watari said before, assuredly, getting to task right away, but keeping a steady eye on the monitors for any foul play.

"Ryuuzaki, what's going on?" Light demanded. L knew Light's thinking was lightning fast, putting together this new information; he was certain that Light was putting together the pieces now… Realizing that he would have to respond to save himself, L knew, _if he was Kira_.

There was an empty teacup with saucer and spoon sitting in front of him, along with the computer keyboard, and, of course, the Death Note, with it opened to the ripped page. He picked up the spoon in his odd two-finger grip and tapped the spoon against the accursed notebook.

"I mean to test the notebook and see for myself." L said calmly, letting his plan be known to Light for the first time. Along with the other investigators who should have realized his intentions as they had started the plans in motion, but hadn't because they didn't want to face the facts that this had to be done, so that all facts were known, and whether or not Light and Misa would be proven innocent…

"That's unthinkable! We've seen it already, the notebook's power is real!" One of the other investigators started to speak out against the plan.

"And who will write the name on it?" Matsuda cried, standing just to the side of L. "If you write down a name you will have to continue writing names within 13 days of each other."

"The writer will be a criminal who is due to be executed soon. We will make a deal with him: if he's still alive after 13 days are over, he will be set free." L said, still staring ahead, fingers holding the spoon.

He did not let himself think of if the criminal lived, then it meant that he was right.

That Misa-san was the second Kira… That Light-kun was Kira.

That the confusing feelings rolling around inside his heart were for those of a murderer. He could not bear to think that the boy he had just…

He would not be able to bear it, because he knew that he would not be able to be Justice any longer. He would have failed all of Watari's teachings…

Yagami-san's voice registered over his own thoughts suddenly, saying, "But, a person's life…"

"Enough!" L raised his voice to be heard over Yagami-san's words. "We are very close to closing the case! If this condition is cleared, the case will be resolved in one step!" He didn't mention that if the 13 day rule was real, Light would be innocent.

He didn't notice that the Shinigami was in the room listening to his words. He didn't realize that it understood that he was going to test the rule, and would realize that it was fake. He didn't realize that Misa-san's life had been cut so short, and that the Shinigami was in love with her, that it would risk its own life at the slightest hint of danger to the foolish starlets life.

But Light did. He recognized the fact as soon as the power went out and the generator kicked on, bathing them all in a dark red glow. The generators were so good the computers didn't even flicker. Light realized that the backup plan that if the rule was tested had been set into play…

And he realized, suddenly, that he didn't want this to happen yet. He wasn't ready. That he wanted more time with the detective; he had doubts…

But he stood frozen in the shock of everything happening around him…

"What's this? A blackout?" Someone cried.

L paid no attention to the others panic, worried as he himself was as he called for Watari to see if he was alright as the generators kicked on. Suddenly, all the screen's flashed white, with words scrawled on them, _all data deletion_ …

"Data deletion? What's going on?"

"I instructed Watari to delete all the data if something unexpected should happen to him." L said in a quiet voice (no one could hear the doubt in his tone), not mentioning that it had been just minutes ago that he had actually told his caregiver this set of instructions…

"Unexpected…?"

"It can't be!" Matsuda said in a fear-laced voice, backing away from the monitors, as if he might get caught up in whatever "unexpectedly" happened to Watari if he stayed near the console…

"The Shinigami…" L muttered, mind suddenly firing warnings throughout his body. Everyone started to look around, the panic and hysteria growing as the fearful creature wasn't right away spotted.

"That's right, she disappeared!" Yagami-san said nearby.

"She's not here!"

"What's going on!"

"Everyone! The Shiniga…!" L started, but suddenly jolted, unable to continue what he was about to say.

The incident upstairs flashed in L's mind. The time spent together, handcuffed and stuck together closer than spouses for so long. His spying on the (he assumed) suspecting boy as the boy child followed his daily routine in his family's home, doing chores, homework, and going to school. The signs that only he saw. The brilliantly criminal mastermind masquerading as an optimistic genius. The slight condescending words or actions that no one who was close to him had ever noticed before, or even considered.

He was right. He had been completely, and horribly right the whole time. Light-kun… Light was Kira. He was just like Justice; completely and utterly blind. The sudden, and irreversibly sharp pain traveled through his chest, up his shoulders, down his arms… A tightening sensation… Like weight held his chest down, that he could not remove. He could feel paralysis on his left side ensuing, making his usually deadpan and blank face become cruelly embarrassing and odd to look at. A wave of vertigo struck him to such a degree, L could not decide how to reach the ground fast enough. Fall forward, or lean over the armrest…?

The spoon he had had gripped in his two fingers slipped out, falling, almost in a stalling motion to the ground, as he could not control the muscles in his hand, never mind his legs keeping him perched in the chair. The world was starting to tilt…

Light could do nothing but watch as the most important part of his new world started tipping off his chair and falling down to the floor, almost in slow, blurring motion. The most important part of his new world, the death of L… was _falling_ to the ground like any criminal he had written down in his own notebook… And he hadn't known his name, he didn't know if he felt the same; he didn't _know_ … And now, he never would…

" _Since you were born, have you ever told the truth even once?"_

"… _Have you…told the truth…?"_

" _People can't be perfect, everyone lies. Even so, I won't tell lies that will hurt those I love…"_

"… _You…told the truth…once…"_

"… _I…will hurt those I love…"_

Suddenly, Light was in motion, hurrying to the falling detective, falling to his own knees, splaying his body to catch the thin, bony body, so as for L to not feel anymore pain (and to unconsciously continue the role he could now not ever divert from…). He didn't hear what Matsuda shouted, but he was certain they were all now asking if L was alright.

Light could not stop staring down into the dark grey eyes. He could not stop holding L in his arms as he stared, frozen, down at the blank face, a few signs of the heart attack beginning to show. Blueness around the lips, a shallow, gasping breath L took just then… He was staring right at Light, but there were no accusations. No glaring. No tears falling, though there was enough in his own eyes to make up for the frustrated tears L should be shedding.

Slowly, L's eyelids lowered, his gaze straight into Light's brown orbs, surely not searching for a last sign of guilt, as he knew the boy was guilty all along.

When his lids finally shut, a gasp of air was suddenly let out, but L didn't try to breath in again. Light suddenly was freed from the shock settling inside his mind enough to start rattling the body in his arms.

"Hey, Ryuuzaki, what's the matter? Get ahold of yourself!" Light said, shaking the unresponsive body. Why wouldn't he wake?

"What is it?"

"What happened?"

Voices spoke out their concerns but Light was too busy trying to wake up L to hear them. L wasn't gone. Not yet; he wasn't ready. The plan wasn't supposed to happen yet!

He let out a scream. "Aghh!" It drifted into a sob.

"Light, calm down!" His father called to him from a few feet away.

From far away, he heard himself say that the Shinigami would kill them next (even in a crisis, he was playing his part… even as his world was crumbling beneath his feet). This started a panic within the large room. He was still gripping L…

Suddenly, Light needed to face Rem. Or Ryuk. He rightly didn't care. He needed to do something; he could no longer face the body that once housed L.

"Shit! Shinigami! Where are you? Show yourself!" Light demanded, but knew she was long gone. She had done it. She had killed Watari and L to save Misa's life…

"Light!" His father said again, still trying to calm his son. Suddenly, he was laying the part he needed to continue. He knew all the words he needed to say to continue the roll…

"I know you're up to something! Show yourself!" He screamed to the room at wide, letting one of the other investigators take… the body from his tight grip as he raced from the room, just somehow knowing that she had been in the room up one flight of stairs, in the room where Watari's remains surely would be…

And he was right. The notebook was half buried in a sand-like substance, Light assumed were the remains of Rem. He wanted to kick the pile of granulated dirt, but grabbed the notebook, opening it to see…

His name. He had always known it. Tears filled Light's eyes.

L Lawliet.

L.

…

There was a role still to fulfill… He closed the notebook and slide it in the back of his pants. The pants that were still wet from the rain.

Breathing in to steady himself, Light shouted for the others to find him, as he knew they'd be searching for the Shinigami too…

There was still a role to play, and he would continue. All the obstacles had been removed now… Even the piece that had been innocent for L… Even his heart.

_I'm the god of this new world… This new world without L._

THE END


End file.
